Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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