Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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