Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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