So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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