she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
