You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
