we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
