Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
