worst night to have a conscience
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
