and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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