I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
