We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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