"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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