We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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