Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
