Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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