this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
