i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
