Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This girl is more easily done than said...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
