And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
