My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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