May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have aggressive nipples.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
