Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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