Cold hands, warm shart.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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