just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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