I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
