question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
