Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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