I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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