that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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