She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no, he came in my armpit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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