You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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