OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
