its not stalking. its research.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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