There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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