And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The power of my boobs compel you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
