I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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