i can't believe i had my finger in that
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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