my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
