I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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