I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
