ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
