I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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