Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
