Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
