look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize