You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
3 2 1 whiskey
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize