she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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