My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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