i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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