Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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