I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
