mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
