i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
