I accidentally had phone sex last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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