You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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