went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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