a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
