i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
