NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
