so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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