If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
