mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
