Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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