I'm jealous of your bromance
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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