You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
