I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
