glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
