let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
