I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
