Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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