i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
