As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
