There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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