I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize