He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She's not a foreskin expert like you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
