I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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