Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
