in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize