Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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