I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
