my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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