I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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