we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
