She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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