I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
