He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
