Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
