Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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