is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
