If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can text with my tongue
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
where are my eyebrows?
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