There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
