I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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