What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
