All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
