Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize